Yet More Humorous Sayings And Quotes

by allinspiration.com

“A man must serve his time in every trade except censure-critics are ready made.”
– Lord Byron

“Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure; men love in haste but hate in leisure”
– Lord Byron

“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”
– Louis Grizzard

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork”
– Mae West

“A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.”
– Mark Twain

“Few things are harder to put up with than a good example”
– Mark Twain

“Golf: A good walk ruined.”
– Mark Twain

“I didn’t attend the funeral but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
– Mark Twain

“I never let my schooling interfere with my education”
– Mark Twain

“It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt”
– Mark Twain

“I’ve suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened.”
– Mark Twain

“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me but I think she enjoyed it”
– Mark Twain

“When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
– Mark Twain

“There are no grades of vanity; there are only grades of ability in concealing it”
– Mark Twain

“They never taste who always drink, they always talk who never think”
– Matthew Prior

“Love is blind but not the neighbors”
– Mexican

“The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.”
– Nicholas Chamfort

“How come there’s only one Monopolies Commission?”
– Nigel Rees

“Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.”
– Ogden Nash

“All the world is mad save for me and thee, and sometimes I wonder about thee.”
– Old Quaker saying

“Man has his will but woman has her way”
– Oliver Wendell Holmes

“He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
– Oscar Wilde

“After all, what is your host’s purpose in having a party?  Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.”
– P.J. O’Rourke

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
– Paul Keating

“Mistakes will happen; others will be blamed.”
– Paul Perves

“All generalizations are bad.”
– R.H. Grenier

“Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it.”
– Rene Decartes

“A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. A woman must do what he can’t.”
– Rhonda Hansome

“If you teach your children nothing else, teach them the Golden Rule and “righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.”"
– Robert Brault

“If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir”
– Romanian Proverb

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