Funny Quotes Or Sayings To Tickle You

by allinspiration.com

“Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they’re going to catch you in next.”
– Franklin P. Jones

“A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you.”
– Franoise Sagan

“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.”
– G K Chesterton

“I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There’s a knob called ‘brightness’, but it doesn’t work.”
– Gallagher

“Don’t be so humble—you are not that great.”
– Golda Meir

“Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.”
– Groucho Marx

“How do you feel about women’s rights? I like either side of them.”
– Groucho Marx

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
– Groucho Marx

“Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.”
– H. L. Mencken

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
– Henny Youngman

“Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!”
– Homer Simpson

“Dude, are my eyes seeing what my brain is telling my eyes that they’re seeing?”
– James Roday

“Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?”
– James Thurber

“The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off.”
– Jean Cocteau

“We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like?”
– Jean Cocturan

“I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.”
– Jim Carrey

“Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.”
– Jim Davis

“I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments.”
– Jim Morrison

“I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.”
– Joan Rivers

“I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, “Get the hell off my property.”"
– Joan Rivers

“Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.”
– José Maria de Eça de Queiroz

“I only do one thing at a time; otherwise, I get confused and then I can’t trick you.”
– Judge Judy

“Beauty fades . . . dumb is forever.”
– Judge Judy

“I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said, ‘No, Six should be enough.”
– Les Dawson

“All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.”
– Lord Byron

“Did you ever think that making a speech on economy is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.”
– Lyndon Johnson

“She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.”
– Mae West

“Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I’ve never tried.”
– Mae West

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”
– Marilyn Monroe

“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir … mighty scarce.”
– Mark Twain

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5

Follow this site